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Happy New Year, reader!

Ready for 2024?

For me, last year was the beginning of something different.

I entered 2023 as someone with a broken heart, confused, and feeling a bit hopeless with life.

I wanted to talk and share about what I was feeling. And the only way to do that was to stop being afraid of what other people thought of me and start being a bit more brave. 

The idea of being judged and being criticized held me back to achieving a lot of my goals and dreams for several years.

I wanted to change that. Which is why I picked the word, vulnerable, to be my word of the year in 2023.

Being vulnerable in 2023

Choosing the word vulnerable felt appropriate to me in 2023 because I needed to let my hair down and be open to any opportunities that came my way.

I also needed to stop being so guarded with my thoughts and opinions because I’ve always been a neutral person. I am still a neutral person, I personally believe that I have a dialectical mindset but that's for another post.

However, it’s not just opinions but also standing up for myself and vocalizing what I think should be right. For myself and for others.

I also allowed myself to feel a lot of things in 2023. I felt SOOO many feelings. I guess that was part of the whole vulnerability part.

This is technically my first full year of being single.

I really did try to be vulnerable in the world of dating again but I think it was too much too soon for me. Many friends and family said, “I think it’s time! You should start dating again!” but in my heart and mind, I really wasn’t. Going on dating apps and talking to strangers felt so overwhelming to me.

I have noticed some male colleagues, acquaintances, and friends have started chatting casually with me. For some of them, I could tell they were dropping hints at their interest, but I either played dumb or ignored it because

1. I didn’t know how to react or
2. I plainly didn’t have the energy to flirt back

Even if I did flirt back or play along, probably a week later or two, I would either get the ick or my gut feeling would tell me not to do this. Not anymore. At least, not right now.

I kept hearing the phrase “feel all the feelings” a lot during the healing period, and I didn’t quite understand it at first. But when I felt the emotions of sadness, loneliness, and even anger rise into my mind and body, I allowed myself to go what felt natural in that moment.

I cried. I sulked. I screamed. I smashed things.

I felt all those emotions. And you know how long I was feeling those emotions? Probably 30 mins at least or even hours at the most.

But it never carried over the next day. I legit felt so much better the following day.

That was the most surprising thing to me. That I didn’t feel the same emotion for the rest of the week. And I kept doing that throughout the rest of the year.

Reflecting back with the whole year - I think I did stay true to being vulnerable in all areas of my life:

• “Exposed” myself to the internet that I have over $15k credit card debt
• Tried new things like shuffling, flow arts, trapeze, and of course, making new friends in a new city
• Opened up to my old friends more about what I was thinking internally about myself, about life, and asking about our friendship status
• Discussed more openly about the work I do and what I can contribute at work

Which leads to how I found my word of the year for 2024…

Finding my 2024 word of the year

At the start of summer 2023, I learned that one of my favorite music artists of all time, Disclosure, was about to release a new album, Alchemy.

While I was waiting for the album to drop, I started going through their discography on Spotify to get myself hyped again. I quickly learned that I failed as a super fan because I had no idea that they had an album in 2020 and a few other songs since then.

(TBF, pandemic era had me living under a rock)

There was one particular song that immediately went into my 2023 playlist. It was one of the songs that I had never heard before and it had this chill island vibes which was very easy to listen to. I had it on repeat for several days and weeks.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving weekend.

For a couple of days before the weekend, I was already starting to think about what my word for 2024 should be.

I wanted something that reflected on all areas that I wanted to focus on for 2024.

Something that represents myself, my career, my financial situation, my relationships, and my values. But every time I tried to come up with a word - it didn’t click.

As I was about to enjoy a nice dip in the hot tub at my family’s lake house, I put on the Disclosure radio station and the first song that started playing was the one I had on repeat months ago featuring Khalid.

And that’s when I knew I found my word: Worth.

Knowing my worth

It’s the perfect word that I want to bring into the new year since it aligns with ALL those areas that I mentioned.

My worth in myself. My worth with love. My worth with friendships and family. And my worth in the work that I do.

I think with all the vulnerability I experienced in 2023, I started to put a lot of pieces together that I didn’t see before.

• Noticing the red flags in my past relationships
• But also noticing MY red flags and toxic traits
• Relearning my strengths and understanding my weaknesses
• Recognizing that I am capable of doing the positive things that I want in life instead of waiting for someone to validate me

I hate that it took me this long to finally see ALL my insecurities and how stupid they were. But it’s better late than nothing, right?

If you don’t know your worth, then the Universe will reflect that in every aspect of your life. If you’re sending energy that you think you deserve less, then you will receive less.

I’m ready to take on the next level of my healing journey. I’m glad that I’m starting to recognize that I deserve better and so much more.

No more of the bare minimum in my love life.

I deserve friendships that understand the work that I do and support me every step of the way.

And I’m going to keep pushing myself to achieve my goals no matter what, even if it means to take a different path than I’m used to.

So that's it: my word of the year for 2024 is worth (or worthy)

-Jemellee

If you have one, what's your word of the year? Leave a comment down below!

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